You Can't Make This Stuff Up

[Zen Curmudgeon]

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=1190979

Inventor of Fake Dog Testicles Wins Award


BOSTON Oct 6, 2005 — Gregg Miller mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs.

Miller has sold more than 150,000 of his Neuticles, more than doubling his $500,000 investment. The silicone implants come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness.

Take Care -

ZC

[DMad]

Well, I guess if you're going to make the decision to cut the poor dog's balls off for him, you might as well have the heart to give him back a little dignity.

I guess it is true what they say, for almost every "necessary" product there's going to be a willing (dumb) consumer...

[Zen Curmudgeon]

http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/parking-officer-distressed-at-dead-mans-fine/2005/10/21/1129775929958.html

Parking officer 'distressed' at dead man's fine
By Selma Milovanovic and Jane Holroyd
October 21, 2005 - 1:13PM

A Melbourne council has explained how one of its parking officers issued a fine to a man who had been dead in his parked car for several days.

Maroondah City Council parking officers stuck the fine on the windscreen of the man's car on Wednesday at the Croydon Market shopping centre in Melbourne's outer eastern suburbs.

A police spokeswoman confirmed that police discovered the deceased man, 71, yesterday and found a parking ticket on the windscreen of his car. He had been reported missing to police nine days ago and was known to be seriously ill.

Maroondah mayor Paul Denham said in a statement today that the parking officer had not noticed the man when he attached the parking fine to the windscreen.

Councillor Denham said the man's death was tragic, and extended his sympathy to the dead man's family on behalf of Maroondah Council.

"Our local laws officer undertook a routine check of the car park at around 10.30am (and) returned in the afternoon to check the vehicles that had overstayed their allotted time,'' Cr Denham said.

I guess his time had 'expired'.

Take Care -

ZC

[large]

BENTON, Ark. -- An attorney appealing his second drunken driving conviction was jailed Monday after he came to court intoxicated, officials said.

A Saline County Circuit Court judge ordered 59-year-old Jerry Stewart jailed for contempt of court.

He was ordered held without bail until Thursday, when he is scheduled in court for an unrelated case. It was not known whether Thursday's court appearance involved two pending drunken driving charges.

Stewart faces a total of six years in prison and could be disbarred if convicted of a fourth felony offense, prosecutor Robert Herzfeld said.

AP, Monday, Oct. 24, 2005

[Zen Curmudgeon]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/05/18/vibrating_knickers/

According to UK tabloid the Sun, a 33-year-old Welsh housewife ended up in hospital after wearing Ann Summers vibrating Passion Pants to her local Asda supermarket in Swansea.

Unfortunately, she became "so aroused by the 2½-inch vibrating bullet inside that she fainted" then "fell against shelves and banged her head". This prompted the attendance of the paramedics who "found the black leatherette panties still buzzing". Having disabled the orgasmatronic underwear, they then whisked the senseless shopper to hospital where she made a complete recovery. Staff handed her back the Passion Pants upon discharge, discreetly concealed in a plastic bag.

Take Care -

ZC

[DMad]

I guess it really does take all types to make the world go round.

[Zen Curmudgeon]

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200511/s1513047.htm

'Nervous flyer' in court after mid-flight cigarette break

A 34-year-old French woman, who tried to open the emergency door of a plane so she could have a cigarette, has appeared in the Brisbane Magistrates Court.

Sadrine Helen Sellies was on an inbound flight from Hong Kong on Saturday morning with her husband.

A nervous flyer, she was affected by alcohol and sleeping tablets when passengers noticed her tampering with a plane door.

Today she pleaded guilty to a charge of endangering safety on an aircraft.

The court heard Sellies was prone to sleep walking and had an unlit cigarette and a lighter in her hand at the time.

The Commonwealth Prosecutor told the court the plane was flying at 39,000 feet over north Queensland when the incident happened.

Magistrate Gordon Dean placed Sellies on a 12-month good behaviour bond and told her to behave on planes.

[webmaster]

hahaha yea, we were laughing about this one yesterday. Just makes you wonder what the heck people are thinking when they do stuff these days.


Webmaster

[Zen Curmudgeon]

http://news.com.com/Confessions+of+a+photocopier+repairman/2100-1041_3-5969203.html

Confessions of a photocopier repairman
By Will Sturgeon
Special to CNET News.com
Published: November 23, 2005, 9:30 AM PST

Photocopier supplier Canon is warning customers to take better care of their office equipment during the Christmas period, claiming that the festive season traditionally leads to a 25 percent hike in service calls due to incidents such as the classic backside copying prank.

Such a stunt, a mainstay of the office party, often results in cracked glass on the copier, with 32 percent of Canon technicians claiming to have been called out to fix glass plates during the Christmas period after attempts to copy body parts went wrong.

Tim Andrews, a Canon employee from London, said: "We always fit lots of new glass to copiers after New Year due to 'rear-end copying.'"

In fact, Canon claims a shocking 46 percent of service calls are in response to non-work-related breakages.

Geoff Bush from the north of England said one case he'd attended, where a young lady had cracked the glass mid-scan, also jammed the scanner so that it wasn't until the machine was fixed and her colleagues all sober that copies of her backside starting pouring from the machine.

Partly in response to this trend--or perhaps because of the "supersizing" of the western physique--Canon has now increased the thickness of its glass by an extra millimeter.

Take Care -

ZC

[Zen Curmudgeon]

Here's some novel use of academic resources:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/badscience/story/0,12980,1664150,00.html?

Conspiracy theory could be on right wavelength

Ben Goldacre
Saturday December 10, 2005
The Guardian

...results (of experiments at MIT) are more startling than anyone could possibly have predicted. Although the (aluminum foil) helmets did reduce the strength of the signal by around 10dB across most of the spectrum, there was an unexpected second finding: the helmets did in fact amplify signals, in certain very specific frequency ranges, by a huge 30dB at 2.6GHz, and by 20dB around 1.5GHz.

What are those frequencies used for? I'll tell you. The 1.5GHz range coincides almost perfectly with frequencies allocated to the US government, between 1.2 Ghz and 1.4 Ghz. "According to the FCC," explain the authors, "these bands are supposedly reserved for 'radio location' (ie, GPS), and other communications with satellites."

And what about the other frequency that's amplified into your brain? "The 2.6 Ghz band coincides with mobile phone technology. Though not affiliated by government, these bands are at the hands of multinational corporations."

To the authors of the paper, the meaning of all this is very clear. "Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities," they conclude. "We speculate that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason."

Oh, great. This'll probably encourage foil hat geeks to come out of the closet, grinning from aluminized ear to ear.

As if they didn't already have enough trouble getting laid... :)

Take Care -

ZC